30 for 30… Self Reflection

 

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Good evening.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve spoken to you all, but rest assured that since the last blog post I have been speaking to myself…a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather be talking to y’all, but hear me out.  A lot has happened in the past few years that has changed the trajectory of where I see myself or at least where I thought I did, because to be honest after taking this new  journey towards the “safe route,” I’ve essentially ended up right back where I started.  Although now with a companion and much tougher skin, it seems that I tried to make it work a different way and God, the powers that be, my destiny, my purpose, the universe all laughed and allowed me to journey around in a complete circle; back to who I am to the bone and who I am suppose to be. Let’s talk about the downsides:

Downsides:

  1. It seems I’ve lost a few years.
  2. I’ve lost momentum.
  3. Running in place felt like the norm.
  4. I succeeded and am succeeding in other fields but felt as though something was and is missing.
  5. Building a foundation for someone else’s dream was what I was really doing.
  6. I was lost, mentally, quite often.
  7. Waking up every morning feeling like you’re not doing what you’re meant to do can be exhausting.
  8. I listened to people WAY too often
  9. I didn’t trust myself enough
  10. Too much talk and not enough do

 

Upsides:

11. I’ve found my better half. — We’ll save this conversation for a later date.

12. This break has given me needed perspective

13. I’ve found a day job that I absolutely love. (people, culture, benefits.)

14. I realize more and more that change is constant, important, and difficult

15. I also realize that fighting your purpose is foolish and a losing battle.

16. I have to fulfill my purpose one way or another or it will be taken away from me and I’ll live in destiny purgatory. (who the hell wants that?)

17. The level of “I don’t give a F*CK” about other people’s opinion is on an ultimate high. *

*(Sidenote: Will I ask for advice? Will I take it? Of course.  But if there comes a moment when I feel, to the core of my bones and the depth of my soul that I should go another way, I’m listening to me.)

It’s best when you can be honest with yourself because at that point, at least the experts say, you have taken the first step.  Well, experts here I am, taking the first step. I must acknowledge the truth, something I’ve been hiding for so long…ultimately when I think about it I was afraid of who I could have become. I was fearful of success. I saw it in the distant future and thought, “wait a minute… hol’ up *Big Sean Voice*, I might actually get there” and cowered. I may have also lost stamina, but at the end of it all I took a music career break.

So what now.  Well, I’ll be honest I don’t know long term, but right now, for the next few years I plan to finish a few new projects.  The window seems open and I’m going to jump out and fly along side the wind of faith.  I don’t know how, where, when, or who, BUT I KNOW WHY.  It is because every morning since I reached out to you all through the majesty of song and the medium of LDMBLOG all I could and still can think about is, “why aren’t you singing…reaching out to those who need reaching out to?” “Lancelot Adrian Drummonds jr… you are not fulfilling your purpose on this earth…figure it out!” And I’ve seen it countless times, from friends and idols who I aspire to be and whom inspire me, When there is a will there is a way. Believe without a shadow of a doubt that you are great and you will achieve your dreams.

But as Denzel said, “So the desire you have, that itch that you have to be whatever it is you want to be … that itch, that desire for good is God’s proof to you sent already to indicate that it’s yours. You already have it. Claim it.”  So as I venture into this new decade of life there are a few things I’d like to do more of.  If you want to take this as advice, go right ahead, but ultimately these are building blocks I need to execute more. In doing so, I hope and pray that at the end of it all I have fulfilled my living purpose and make a contribution to society that is everlasting.

 

18. Enjoy the moments in between

19. Celebrate the small wins

20. NEVER take a friendship for granted…EVER

21. Pray and meditate more often

22. No drinking more than two days/nights in a row

23. Never let them see me sweat (Life is always good)

24. Keep goals, visions, and pursuits private.

25. Stop being so hard on myself (unproductive…you are doing well and are living an amazing life)

26. Let go of the past (get. over. it.)

27.  Call and visit family every week

28. Protect my happiness.

29. Hone my talents, never lose them, always use them

30. Fear…embrace it and use it to my advantage. It creates courage.

 

Under Construction,

 

Lance Drummonds

 

 

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