The Dating Scene Volume XXXVIII: “Di*kmatism”


After a few confessionals from a couple of my homegirls, I HAD to bring this topic to the dating scene volumes. Because as a man, I know first hand the power we gain from “putting it down” but I never realized how deep (pun intended) this power affects women and all the decisions and actions they make afterwards. What are we discussing here? We are talking about the world wide epidemic of “di*kmatism.” Now, don’t get me wrong dudes can be “whipped” as well, but as someone so eloquently told me, “Women rule the world until Men conquer them.”… What she really said was…
“Pu**y rules the world, until d*ck conquers it” — Yeah #ThatHappened. Before we get into the actual story here is the urban dictionary definition of “Di*kmatism” – “when a woman ignores the fact that the man they are dating is a worthless a**hole because they just want the sex. Its the converse of the term pu**y-whipped. I.E. – ‘Man. I haven’t seen Christina in forever; she is totally dickmatized by that loser!'” And now for the story:

My homegirl bbm’d me asking for my opinion on a gift watch that she was purchasing for her “friend.” I said “sure send the picture.” Now I had no expectations in regards to the type of watch or the cost of the watch, but when I received the picture it was a picture of an all black Movado valued at over $500. Without knowing who this friend was or what the occasion was, I replied, “this must be some friend.” She replied, “he is the guy who broke my heart, but he is graduating and I wanted to get him something.” *DJ SCRATCH, Music Stops Short… huh?? I had to stop and think about it for a second, this dude broke her heart, but she is still getting him a gift? Where’s the logic? So I asked her, “If he broke your heart what makes you want to get him a gift?” She replied, “So he knows that he means something to me” I then thought, but she doesn’t mean anything to him if he broke her heart or doesn’t mean enough to to him to NOT break her heart. So I responded, “that doesn’t make sense, he broke your heart, but you want to get him something so he feels better? I don’t get it? Why would you still want him in your life if he hurt you?” After a few more questions she confessed, “Mind blowing, explosive, best sex I ever had, a great friendship, a level of comfort that I’ve never experienced, and the challenge he presents.”

Notice what was said first, “Mind blowing, explosive, best sex I ever had.” — Yep, classic case of Di*kmatism. Now, the issue and focus is less on her di*kmatism, but more on the fact that because of her di*kmatism she: 1. Still wants to interact with him knowing she will feel disappointed and regretful afterwards and 2. Is willing to purchase a watch for this sex connoisseur EVEN AFTER he broke her heart. So I bring it to the Dating Scene as a topic of discussion.

First, A Man’s Perspective: When we men have sex our goal is to, as it is universally known, “Beat to Own.”  We want to ensure that we are the best she’s ever had in order to, at the very least, get it again, but more importantly gain the intangible yet highly persuasive “power.” The decision to join into a relationship may or may not be affected by quality of the sex.  In fact, most dudes know before sex whether or not he will commit to a woman.  “So what” you ask Mr. or Mrs. Inquisitive, well, my point in saying that is if a guy isn’t interested in a relationship before sex, he probably won’t be after. But like the New York Lottery, “Hey, You Never Know.”

Secondly, A Female Perspective: what can you do to avoid the poor decision making that ensues after a “beat to own” experience? Well after surveying a few females, one responded, “Good sex is a drug and when you find someone who is the best you have ever had, it is a tough habit to kick. The only way to avoid the driving forces of good di*k is to completely avoid it. You have to go cold turkey and cut him off. If not, he will inevitably continue to get what he wants while you just get the sex. And if you are trying to use the sex or any other tactics as a result of the sex (i.e. – gift giving) as a way to get to his heart, that is not the way to go. That strategy only leads to feeling used because you do not have what you really want, which is him in a relationship with you. TRANSLATION: You don’t want another female to get the beautiful wonders that his d*ck has brought you.” – Yeah this was really said.

I would have to concur with the observation and assessment above. I told my homegirl, the one whom was purchasing the gift, that the best way to avoid regret in a situation like this is to completely avoid him. He knows he has the power and whenever you come around he already knows it is going to “go down” and other than the orgasm you get (or two or three), you will feel no other satisfaction, so why put yourself in that position. <—It almost sounds like I am typing facetiously, but i’m not.

So To conclude, the best way to avoid a situation like this, for consolidation purposes, is to RUN AWAY *Kanye West Voice. 

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7 thoughts on “The Dating Scene Volume XXXVIII: “Di*kmatism”

  1. She’s going to give the watch. She hasn’t been hurt enough. She’ll be hurt, and hurt, and hurt until she’s had enough, and then a light switch will go on in her head, and when she “get’s it” she’ll leave him alone. She just doesn’t understand the way these things work yet, but she will.

  2. Dang! Talk about the case of the penis. I don’t know about other women but if/when I’m hurt I emotionally detach, therefore sex is never the same and I find it useless to subject myself to it. Para mi, sex is better when an emotional commitment is involved. I’ve NEVER had good sex with someone I wasn’t emotionally pieced with. …but yes, she should go ahead and start smoking cigarettes! She needs to find something else to occupy her time. Lmb0

  3. Funny…I was just at a listening session for Jill Scott’s new album a little while ago. In that familiar and charming way that only Jilly from Philly can, she talked about her experience being dick-matized. She wished for every woman to experience this at least once (or twice)for herself lol.

    This story you write about, however, is unfortunate. Hopefully this young woman finds that love of good dick never trumps love for self

  4. …like you dudes don’t get caught up too!

    Picture this: boy and girl are friends, boy likes girl, boy tells girl he likes her, girl says she’s not into him like that AND she’s dating someone else, boy buys her a macbook which is the first of many elaborate gifts to her. All that MINUS the sex.

    #THATjusthappened

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